Updated: Jan 17, 2022
Last year on New Year's day I sat in bed on day 2 with covid-19. At that point I just had a fever and with some Advil was able to feel somewhat normal. I decided to work on my new website. I was still filled with excitement for this next phase in my personal and professional development, and quietly filled with the fear that nobody will want what I'm offering.
The pandemic had forced my skin care and wellness business to shut down. Initially, I panicked. After about a day or two I moved into a place of surrender and began asking "What else is possible during this time?" Many of the creative projects I had put off because I was "too busy" started to come to mind and I began making herbal skin and body care, and began a medicinal herb garden in my backyard.
As the pandemic dredged on, becoming politicized and ultimately polarizing much of our country, I started to feel an intense push towards wanting to be of service to others in a different way than I had in the past as an esthetician( I initially felt that push in 2008, and began taking classes in breathwork, NLP, and completed a three year apprenticeship as a priestess). For any of my past clients reading this, you already know that I have always been more than just your facialist, waxer, make up artist, aromatherapist, massage therapist, etc. I long ago recognized that I am a healer, and most people are coming for a service AND healing.
At the time (end of May 2020 and George Floyd had just been murdered) I was seeing my own amazing healer, a therapist who is also a depth hypnosis practitioner. She encouraged me to go through the depth hypnosis program at Sacred Stream in Berkeley, reflecting to me that I have much to offer others in the way of healing outside of being an esthetician. I looked into the depth hypnosis program at Sacred Steam and realized it was exactly what I had been looking for since 2008. I promptly enrolled! What a perfect time actually. All classes were being offered via zoom, and I had the time to focus on my studies thanks to the shut downs.
I spent a year and half in my studies to become a depth hypnosis practitioner. The class time, practice, and homework was intense! I participated in several practice groups to develop my skills as a practitioner, and aside from honing my skills, it sent me through an intense portal of healing. It was almost as if I had been placed in a sling shot and shot across space and time, arriving back in present time with a much better understanding of myself, my relationships, and what it is I'm really doing in this life. I began to understand at much deeper level that I am spiraling home.
Carl Jung said "The Spiral is a sacred symbol that represents the journey and change of life as it unfolds; taking a labyrinth-like passage that leads to Source." Spiraling Home in essence is our healing journey back to our true essence. To ourselves. To Source. I agree that life definitely has the components of a journey, and also has labyrinth like passages. I can also tell you that so many times on my journey I have stood at a particular place and said "Seriously?!! This again?!!" Except, I always know that while a particular theme or pattern is the same I am looking at it from a different vantage point, with an ability to hold deeper understanding because of the work I have done around that particular theme or pattern. In those moments, I remember that healing occurs in a spiral, and until I arrive back at Source, I will continue to meet these patterns and themes from different vantage points, with deeper capacity for wisdom and understanding each time.
So, here I am, almost exactly a year later, sitting up in my bed while working on my website, but this time I'm creating my first blog. I'm completely finished with my depth hypnosis practitioner certification, am seeing clients, and am getting ready to launch a year and a day long self development program that takes all of my favorite healing modalities and brings them together into one program. I have the same excitement to be offering this program, and the same fears. What if no one signs up? Here is where I'm at a deeper vantage point on my healing spiral. Last year the fear appeared to be an issue of self worth in general. We all experience that to a certain degree. This year, after all of the healing I have done on my self worth, I can see that what I was perceiving as a lack of self worth is actually my inability to trust God, Source, etc as they guide me deeper into my soul's purpose. In truth, what I am really afraid of is that I'll never learn to fully trust God even though I've been shown time and again how magical life is when I listen to my inner guidance and remain willing to act on it. Miracles happen every single time, and yet I find it hard to fully trust, even though I fancied that I had. I finally understand now that the relationship between myself and God isn't something I check off the box. (Surrender self will to God, check!) It is the daily practice of all my tools... meditation, mindfulness, prayer, community, service to others, and the conscious surrender of my will to God that continues to build that relationship and trust. And, so, my continued work is to keep spiraling through my understanding of what it means to trust God fully. To spiral home. .